July 26 Self-Discovery

Why did I hide my light under a bush for so long? Did I feel I wasn’t worthy of my good? Or perhaps I was just afraid of bringing out that goodness and sharing it with the world. Then I remembered…..as a child, we would be having a really good time playing family games or out as a family and then the dreaded disease of alcoholism would raise its ugly head and ruin the good time we were having. I learned not to trust the good. I learned it was unsafe to be happy. I have PTSD episodes if something in my life is going really good. I always think the zinger is going to happen…..it’s right around the corner. Trying to break this destructive thinking pattern of the monster under the bed has been most difficult but there is nothing too hard for my God.

Today I let go and let God handle all my fears about happiness, especially when I’m feeling good about myself or something I have worked hard to accomplish. 7/26/20