New Beginnings

Coming into my 60th year of life here on the planet, I did not want to bring it in as heavy as I was so the beginning of August I began a weight loss program. I had equal motivation to loose weight due to Covid-19 and being so afraid to go places and do things because of my various health issues. I have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and COPD. Most of these would clear up if I lost weight.

For some reason I have had difficulty with having willingness to release it and let it go. I have been especially stubborn about it and almost cherishing the weight to my own detriment. I started off sabotaging my weight loss program right away. I began to look for the hurt certain foods caused me. I began to realize I like the hurt, I got honest with the fact that I liked to hurt myself. I began to talk about the pleasure I got from pain. Then I started to not like being in pain anymore from what I was doing to myself with food. I was using food as a punishment, not fuel for my body to run. I faced my fears as weight started to drop. I hit a brick wall when my weight got down to 200 from 244. I started to put the weight back on because of fear. I don’t want fear to run my life. I don’t want to live in a shell. No, I was meant to be free and not be in bondage to self.

Thanks be to God I have freedom from active addiction in so many areas of my life. I no longer drink or do drugs. I no longer smoke. I no longer want to kill myself. I am abstaining from sex and being in romantic relationships. I have freedom through my relationship with Christ. I turn this whole weight issue over to Him. I seek His will for me to be healthy in this body. I seek to no longer hurt myself by making bad food choices. I choose to love myself by making good choices in what I put in my body. This is the last frontier. I am loosing weight a day at a time. It is a process but I know how to surrender.

Today I am surrendering my need to hurt myself to my Higher Power. Life is good! I will partake in the goodness of life today and know that I am worthy to live it.