Reflections on 11/18/20

I was privy to have the experience of having a woman who bought the book, Then Sings My Soul, give me free advertising on a Zoom platform before a 12 Step meeting to members of her home group. She kept saying “She is a published author. Her book is 365 days of inspirational sayings.” Every time she said it I cringed. In fact, I wanted to sink into the chair and be invisible. Why was this? She was describing me and what I had done. Did I just want to be anonymous on that 12 step platform? I didn’t even promote myself and put the info on how to order the book in the chat. I ever heard someone ask about that. Why didn’t I do it? What am I afraid of? At this point in the game it is time to market the book. I am awed and grateful to the woman who was promoting me but I didn’t get a sale out of it and it concerns me that I have no answer, no “ahh haa” moment about what was happening at that moment. Even though I am taking my inventory I have no revelation at this moment.

The whole experience of having people tell me they are reading my words is quite humbling because remember, it was only a journal, something no one was ever suppose to see. The fact that people are seeing it does make me want to hide. I have not come out yet. I don’t know if I ever will. It’s not like I sat down and said ‘I think I’ll write a book about my life.’ I feel I’m being challenged to OWN IT as I have stated in the book. I’m not there yet.

Today, I will pray and ask my Higher Power to help me with this dilemma. I believe He is guiding the people to do the very kind things they are doing and I am grateful. I am going to acknowledge it it as a blessing coming from Him. Praise God!